Today is the third day of school. I began this day as I have since Monday. Walking my Ava to school, holding her small hand while she sobs in the most heartbreaking way. My babies are growing up and this year she is in school all by herself. While I thought this might make her feel like a big girl, it has been quite the opposite. I explain to her that we are lucky because the other two girls are already gone for the day, leaving us one whole hour together each morning to snuggle or eat pancakes. While I look into her anxiety filled eyes with tears streaming down her face, I try to stay strong, positive and silly. I quietly whisper to myself, "Don't cry, Don't cry. Stay strong." She has always been my shy little love. She doesn't do well with changes or stepping outside her comfort zone. It occurred to me this morning that I am asking something of Ava that I haven't been willing to do myself - step from that warm blanket of certainty.
I know with every speck of my being that working as an interior designer is exactly what I am supposed to do. Each time I leave a client's home, I feel a tingly excitement that I call contented happiness. However, the business side of things has had me rattled from time to time. When you work for someone else, the procedures are already set in place. Sure, you come to work on the first day feeling a bit overwhelmed and unsure of yourself. But within just a week, you are confidently doing your daily tasks, learning your way around and happily chatting with co-workers. When the business is solely yours, there is a never-ending flood of questions, concerns and general insecurity. I honestly wish I had a business manager so I could only focus on the creative side of things.
I had someone tell me once that you can line the ravine with mattresses to soften the fall, but you still have to make that jump to move forward. Since, beginning my business I have had a client here and there but no steady flow. While I am certainly grateful to have those people, I know deep inside that I could grow significantly if I would only get my ass in gear, step out and try to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Ava and I have decided that we should have a theme song each morning to make us feel strong and ready for the day. Even though she is crying her way to school now, I am hoping Katy Perry's inspiring words will eventually help her to feel excited at the thought of going to school.
Each new year bring many changes and challenges. We are coming together as a family to try to help our sweet girl feel more confident and happy with her particular changes. This is a big year for all of us and I have decided to jump off that cliff. I only hope the mattresses will soften the fall......
Have the best day ever!